Bitter Reflections
by NevynR
Summary: Following the events of Knockout, one man's thoughts about life, the universe and everything. One-shot, Complete.


**Title: Bitter Reflections**

**Summary: Following the events of Knockout, one man's thoughts about life, the universe and everything. One-shot, Complete.  
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**Rating: M, just in case.**

**Disclaimer: The usual. Sadly.**

**Author's Note: This is the result of nearly twelve hours in a car, and not much to keep me awake. See what the prospect of a long, boring drive does to a man? Didn't help that I am now the proud owner of seasons 1 & 2 of Castle on DVD, and had all kinds of ideas rattling around my noggin. Thanks to my Muse once again, Manuxinhace, for putting up with my ramblings as I nutted this one out. As always (am I the only one who can't not think about Castle every time I hear that word now?), reviews and feedback welcomed!**

**NevynR**

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><p>Sinking tiredly into his chair, he picked up the glass of scotch from the table next to him. A frustrated sigh passing his lips, he watched the ice clink in the amber liquid as he swirled it around. He raised the glass and downed half of it, feeling the burn as it blazed its way down his throat.<p>

_Where did it all go wrong?_ He thought, wincing in pain as he absently rubbed his jaw, fingers feeling the swelling from the punch he'd received earlier. _I thought we'd come further than this, she'd started to open up, she'd let me in… I came back, and we were okay._

Grip tightening on his glass, his anger boiled inside. Slamming the remainder of his drink down his throat, he stood rapidly, throwing the glass at the wall, an inarticulate cry of rage echoing around the room and blending with the sound of shattering glass.

_It was __**his**__ fault, damn him! Who did he think he was, just waltzing in and stealing her like that? _Tasting bile, he sat back down, fists clenched as his mind whirled. _He comes along, and suddenly I'm just not that interesting any more, right? How the hell can I compete with __**that**__? I love my job, and it's certainly worked in my favour with women… I mean, how many people do what I do? But __**him**__? I just never figured she was serious when she said… _He ran his hands through his hair in frustration. His elbows on his knees, he sighed again, the anger giving way to bitterness.

_I told her I loved her… Shouldn't that count for something?_ _I know she didn't say it back to me, but…_ Fists clenching, his thoughts continued bitterly. _Well, she's made her choice. Screw her! I haven't tied myself down to a steady relationship for this long for a reason. I should just go out get drunk, see where I end up, maybe that will make it hurt less._

He looked down at his hands once more, remembering her blood covering them, the faces in the waiting room – tired, anxious and haggard as they waited for news, fearing the worst, hoping for anything but that tiny shake of the head that would bring their world crashing down.

Memories filled him: The emerald of her eyes, sparkling as he told a joke. The scent of her hair, the scent of _her_. The feeling of her lips under his as they kissed. Happier times faded as they were replaced with the events of the day: the sight of her lying in front of him, lifeless. The red of her blood, long since washed from his hands. Her waking up, her opening her eyes, seeking _him_ out, the way her smile fought it's way past her pain, just for _him_. Kate lacing her fingers with _his_, sharing a private moment that he would forever be excluded from. And the worst? Not that she ignored him entirely, that she focused all her attention on the man in front of her, holding her hand, her eyes her heart. No, the worst was when she gazed into her partner's face and whispered the words which shattered his entire world.

"I love you too, Castle. Always."

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><p>AN: I actually found this one very challenging to write, trying hard to make it seem as though it was all Castle's POV. As this was my first attempt at being so overtly duplicitous, any feedback or suggestions as to how I should do it better next time around (well, there might be a next time) would be gratefully taken on board. Oh, and I promise faithfully *crosses heart* to get the next chapter of layers finished before I work on anything else. Should be up by Wednesday, folks, honest!


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